Snooty Ooty

It's cold 2000 metres above sea-level and maybe I wasn't wearing enough clothing yesterday (I forgot my duffel coat), but I seem to have acquired a chest infection. There is however an upside to this - I sound like Mariella Frostrup, which conveniently John seems to like. The locals tell me eucalyptus oil rubbed on my chest will work. In the absence of any benylin I give it a go - they're right it works but our budget accommmodation now stinks of the stuff. I just wish the sun would shine!

"In search of sunshine"

"Like the kids, I have no idea what John is doing"

Nilgiri Rack Railway

Udhagamandalam or "Snooty Ooty" is a hill station built by the British to escape the heat. It is 2,216m above sea-level and we were taking the toy train up the 28miles of track to the top. It was built in 1899 and the train, a real life Thomas the Tank engine, is over 100 years old. It is also the only railway in India to use a rack-and-pinion fail safe system. This means that the journey is steep! Oh and also it was the only sign of any health & safety aspect for the whole journey.

By some luck of fortune we had the best seats in the house, at the front of the train, behind the signalmen (the loco pushes the carriages up). Signalmen entailed two men sitting under an umbrella randomly waving either a red or a green flag.

"Would you want to go over this?"

Unfortunately, karma had her revenge for the seats by providing dreadful weather conditions (cloud & rain all the way - so no spectacular views then) and the most ignorant American woman I have had the misfortune to meet sharing our carriage (she didn't even have the courtesy to understand my sarcasm when I said I enjoyed her wet umbrella soaking my trouser leg!).

"All Aboard the Cazza Express! (Except the rude American woman who wouldn't even wait for us to take the photo!)"

That said I really enjoyed the 5 hour train journey - anything goes in India especially health & safety rules and regulations, which meant we could wander along the tracks whenever there was a waterstop and look at flooding gorges 50metres below the rails. We might not have had the fantastic views promised but it could have been worse - they shut the line down the next day due to flooding....maybe there is a health & safety policy after all!

"Thomas the tank engine & friends (John & Carrie)"

"We regret to inform you that the 8:45 train to London Bridge has been delayed due to a hunk on the tracks (John for those of you requiring clarification)"

Coimbatore

This is purely a transit town and only deserves mentioning on two points:

• The hideous accommodation - fortunately we were only staying for 8 hours for an early morning train connection and needed somewhere safe overnight, well it had a lock on the door. The sheets were foul so we made ourselves a den using our own duvet covers and mosquitoe net, and the bathroom - well see for your self.
  
  

"The bucket is the excuse for a shower"

• The seedy drinking den - utilised in an attempt to forget about above accommodation!
  

"Dimly Lit Bar Hollywood & the lowest chair in the world to hide ladies"

Kochin - I lost the bet

I am the first to go down with the lurgy, and whilst knowing it could be worse, I can still control my sphincter muscle and we could be on a train, it still isn't nice especially being away from home. That said being the martyr that I am we still managed a day trip to Kochin, where it rained - again (I thought India was meant to be dry and hot outside the Monsoon season). My favourite bit was helping the fishermen with their Chinese fishing nets. I say help I'm sure I was more of a hindrance, but they were more interested in the money I would bung 'em for the privilege of doing their work!

"Chinese Fishing Net""Carrie with The Old Man of the sea working the ropes"
"Who needs the gym?"
"Assessing the catch of the day - 7 plastic bottles and a flip-flop"
"John's first trip to an Indian barbers - Carrie's first time in a barbers!"

"Sweeney Todd in action"

Kumily, Climb Ev'ry Mountain

Fresh from the excitement of our tiger spotting experience we decided we wanted to see more of the area, so having sought advice from the local tourist information office we embarked on a 12km walk up the highest hill in the area. It was going to be arduous, pretty much 6km straight uphill following a track. But we were promised the result was going to be worthwhile: enviable 360 degree panoramic views of the Western Ghat mountain range including tea and cardamom plantations from the highest point across the National Park.

What we got? Some new friends from the local village and to see a rose garden (yes rose garden) at the top!




"Carrie practising her Lady Di pose ready for the Taj Mahal shot"


























"Meet the family"

Periyar National Park

This is a 780 sq km sanctuary created in 1934 and is centred around a man-made lake that is more than 3000m above sea-level, which means refreshingly it is not as hot or as dry as we had been used to. We had come to spot tigers!

To get into the spirit of things we decided our luxury honeymoon accommodation should be a fantastic tree house, located right in the jungle.

After 5 minutes inside listening to the rain, we saw our des-res for what it was: a damp hut with no central heating, no hot water and no direct sunlight 3km above sea-level and it was raining. If you still can't picture it, think of a wet weekend in a leaky tent in the Lake District. The result? We were constantly wet for 4 days, this trekking better be good!

"Our Intrepid Explorers"

Another 6am roll call so we could get to the park gates, grab the best trekker and be the first people out into the park thereby improving our chances of spotting wildlife. What we hadn't counted on were the Indian touts who forced themselves to the front of the queue bagging premium trekkers for their clients (there are times when the English reserve is a real pain in the arse!).

So we were last to leave after all our careful planning and we were sharing our guide with 2 German girls. I was positive about our group, John however didn't share my enthusiasm and like most things he was proved right. After only ten minutes one of them began to whinge about the speed of our pace (brisk walk on the flat). It was going to be a long trek and the chances of seeing anything diminished as the animals moved deep into the forest the later it got. On top of this for some reason the German girls talked incessantly (no doubt about shopping and lipstick) which would further scare off animals.

However, by some form of luck or freak of nature we managed to spot a tiger half an hour later - I still can't believe it now. We were well prepared for the event (John had the camera zipped safely inside his coat pocket) but this allowed me to watch the tiger jump out of a pond 50 metres away from us and run into the woods. It's hard to describe (and even harder to show with our pathetic photograph) such a majestic animal, but I can clearly remember the fur on it's shoulders as it ran away and it was far bigger than I imagined too. The whole event lasted maybe 30 seconds but the adrenaline rush meant everyone was high fiveing each other like crazed Americans for the next 5 minutes!

"Spot the Tiger"

Probably the most amazing part of the whole trek, however, was when the German girl who had slowed our party down in the first place claimed that it was down to her that we saw the tiger!

The rest of the trek was OK, I suppose, we saw some wild boar, porcupine needles, bison and some monkeys but nothing was going to match our tiger. Against all odds we had been lucky enough to see what we had come to see.

"German Girls & Guide on a sinking Bamboo Raft - if only"

Muddy Streets & Temples

Madurai is a "temple town" where on any single day 10,000 pilgrims arrive to tour the sanctuary of the "fish-eyed goddess" - it was going to be a hectic day, a bit like Alton Towers at half term but without the rides.

Unfortunately, despite paying our foreigners fee we weren't allowed to see the fish-eyed goddess. In fact the whole temple was a bit disappointing, full of beggars and hawkers selling tut. The upside was pretty much anything goes in Hindu Temples including stalls selling idlly on banana leaves. So having followed the tour in a well-behaved manner we sat down in the centre of the temple by the Golden Lotus Tank and joined others in eating our breakfast.

Sight seen let's get the next bus to Periyar and try to spot a tiger!

" Inside the Temple"

"John's favourite deity - The God of Jimi Hendrix"

How To Use An Indian Train

• Don't Use a Porter - the argument over the tip is more hassle than it's worth
• Go to sleep before the big fat Indian starts farting, burping or worst of all snoring
• Try and avoid families sharing your berth especially with children under 3 years of age
• Top or bottom bunk? That is the question, still unresolved, but I guess avoid at all costs the middle bunk (where applicable) in case you become sandwiched between two snoring Indians or worse still be above a farting Indian - hot air only goes one way
• Toilet 1: Use the Indian toilets which are invariably cleaner than the Western style and take the time to fully undress your bottom half to allow for low squatting, thereby reducing the risk of splashback
• Toilet 2:Don't be afraid of solid matter - the same principles apply to the liquid - low squatting. Once overcoming the fear of pooing @ 60 KM per hour all journeys are surprisingly much more enjoyable
• Toilet 3: Do not rush the procedure, the train picks up quite a speed at times so utilise handrails provided, take your time undressing ensuring you have optimal balance at all times
• Toilet 4: Do not leave money in open pockets eg shirt pocket, the sluice pipe goes straight to the track so unless you fancy making an Indian family very happy... Stories have been reported of people stopping the train to retrieve their life savings, apparently it really wasn't either pleasant or worth the distress in picking through the dregs of the track for fifty quid!
• Which Seat? 41 & 42 are good at night as you have complete privacy allowing for necking & secret sips of brandy behind closed curtains. During the day however top bunks are preferable as you have the choice to go to sleep if you wish. Those occupying the bottom berths however are obliged to have their beds in an upright position until 9pm
• Ordering food 1: Expect to pay foreigner prices for Chai - an extra 2Rs per cup but well worth it. Additionally the food porters are a bit like buses - nowhere to be seen when you are starving and then 12 come through the train offering pakoras, samosas, pani pani (water), biryani when you're not hungry
• Ordering food 2: Best advice order the veg biryani - it is the safest option, always hot, no meat and sufficient in volume to satisfy any appetite
• Ordering food 3: Like cub scouts Be Prepared and have some back up supplies (especially water) with you
• Don't trust a porter 2: If you have to disembark (or detrain using Indian Englisher as opposed to entrain) at some ungodly hour, say 4am, do not listen to anyone that says they will wake you before the station. Set your own alarm 15 minutes prior to ETA otherwise you maybe lucky enough to wake as you are coming into your destination station, equally you may be unlucky enough to awake just as the train is pulling out of destination station and the porter is nowhere to be seen.
• Minority Card - Don't be afraid to use it, get on any train, act dumb yet ever so English and polite and you'll be fine!
• Finally if you are travelling in any form of AC carriage you are deemed to be travelling"Upper Class" which means you do NOT have to pay for the AC waiting room nor do you have to pay for a piss!

Carrie sporting a contented post-piss smile!

Kanyakumari - easier to spell than say

John's Battered Chilli!

The tastiest nuts ever (with a hint of lime, onion and coriander)

A day of firsts: I saw my first elephant (albeit a working elephant) which was washing in the river, John had his first battered chilli and finally I ate a meal with my fingers for the first time (obviously the antiseptic handwash was heavily applied first). I now realise one of the reasons why John married me - I can't think of one other person who would agree to go into some of these backstreet "local" restaurants he takes me to. Whilst our friend Gordon Ramsay would love the simplicity of the set up - one dish cooked well, take it or leave it, and I love the ridiculously low prices (a main meal for two under 1GBP!). Both Gordon, me and the environmental health inspector would freak out if the hygiene was scrutinised with anything more than a cataract. That said John has had his favourite meal so far in Ghetta Bhavan.



Kanyakumari is the most southern tip of India where three oceans meet: Bay of Bengal, Indian Ocean and Arabian Sea. We wanted to go so we could point to any map of the world and say we've been there! The Hindus however have a much more spiritual outlook on the pilgrimage (although you wouldn't believe it given the copious amounts of hardcore hawkers flogging sunglasses and tacky seashells). We therefore booked ourselves into a hotel for the night preparing ourselves to see the two big features: Sunset and Sunrise.

Sunset was very nice, can't say much more, relaxing I suppose more because after fighting our way through the beggars and hawkers we found they weren't prepared to pay the 5Rs to get onto the viewing deck.

Sunrise however happened at 06:00am. Unfortunately my body goes into shock if I am woken by an alarm - so instead of taking in the sunrise across the three oceans I was in the toilet - apparently like the toilet the sunrise was a bit shit as it was too cloudy.

We headed for the Church of our Lady of Ransom and after receiving no thanks from our gift to one beggar and a tut from another we headed to the fishing port. Our new strategy of completely ignoring the aggressive hawkers seems to be working and we found sanctuary on the memorial rock after a ferry ride with 150 sari wearing Indians decked out in lifejackets!

You can hire a life jacket but you can't buy style!

John at the tip of India with his two new best friends who had followed us for nearly 5 minutes so they could have a picture taken with him - we thought they were going to mug us!

The Lion Sleeps tonight

Sunset at Kovalam Beach, Kerala

We've done it, we've ditched air con for a higher class of accommodation ie CLEAN. We're staying at a place called Green Valley Cottages (Rs 400)which is located in the jungle behind the beach. We are also (much to John's disappointment) morphing into real life, hardcore travellers by no longer using the expensive taxi option Rs300 (just over 3.00GBP) in favour of the buses Rs16 (just over 16pence) I love India!

Drinking Fenny/Moonshine from the finest cut crystal glasses

Rucksacks

We've also unpacked for the first time and I'm already seeing flaws in my choice of "necessities" What possessed me to bring bronzing powder of all things? When am I really going to wear it? I can almost justify the travel hairdryer but bronzing powder - no way!

Red Bananas

No one told me about red bananas, how come I never knew they existed. Let's face it you can't even get them down Deptford Market! They are currently my new favourite thing - but I'm not telling you what colour they are inside.....

Smelly Traveller
Despite having 3 sometimes 4 showers a day I constantly feel grubby and I have had to start hand washing some of our clothes - my homemaking duties seem to continue despite being absent of a home. I am using the bucket provided in the bathrooms, however I have a nagging thought at the back of my mind....at which point do I share with my new husband that his favourite t-shirt has been washed in a bottom washer / poor man's bidet?

Networking
We have finally met and conversed with another human being, an Indian "Artist" and whilst being very nice (if a little creepy) I have to say I am exhausted. The idea of being an artist, their muse or just "bohemian" has its appeal, and to some may be romantic, basically being a drop out from society I guess (a bit like me and John) the downside to this lifestyle however is having to take life so bloomin' seriously, overanalysing everything and being all profound. Have you ever seen an artist laugh? Me neither. It sounds too much like hard work to me!

That said he has also directed films in the past and asked me to star in his next movie. Oh yeah Carrie Lees Bollywood actress. The only downside was he wanted me to play a Jewish girl from Kerala - I now have a complex about my nose.

Finally, how could anyone regret giving it all up for this fine specimen of a lighthouse?

Goa

First Morning Goa
Marriage: Apparently a meeting of two minds, understanding what the other one wants...yeah right I wanted a traditional Goan "curry" breakfast, my husband wanted a romantic morning stroll along the beach....ever ended up on a paradise beach wearing trousers and a T-Shirt? No? well it's hot and I don't recommend it. On reflection I think we should have attended more wedding classes especially on the chapter titled "Communication"!

So the time taken for food to travel through my body has reduced significantly - I am currently seeing this as a good thing (let's face it I have the luxury of a few extra lb's to spare).
Seriously Goa is beautiful - miles of straight golden, palm fringed beaches. Eating Aloo Gobi in a beach shack watching the waves lap on the shore is fantastic.





Sunset at Colva Beach







Beachwear!

Nous Sommes Arrivons!

The Gateway To India

Our arrival at Mumbai airport was surprisingly organised and the dreaded immigration put Heathrow to shame. It was 1:30am by the time we left the airport and by 1:42 I was fearing for my life - the taxi driver seemed to have taken lessons from Maureen of Driving School fame.



Our first day in Mumbai was a baptism of fire - Cows just hanging out at street corners as the taxis manically drove by.
This is a picture of John watching a spot of cricket (not cows hanging out on the street) No cucumber sandwiches though!

This is a photo taken by John of me while I was getting "papped" by yet another group of Indians - John reckons its because I'm a white woman, I reckon it's because he's ugly!

Day 2

Train from Mumbai - Madgaon in Goa (If we don't enjoy this 12 hour journey we're in trouble as we have a 2 month Rail Pass!)

4 hours delay before we even set off - India Railways clearly don't have a passenger charter then! Whilst the train was grubby the linen was pristine and there can be no better way to travel than to be lying down whilst watching an ever changing landscape go by. I did sit up to eat my vegetable biryani and vegetable samosa mmm. Oh I think I've turned veggie by the way - not for any moralistic reason, just in a bid to reduce the chances of acquiring the dreaded Delhi Belly!